illustrated journalling

Last night, I tried reading Somerset magazine's Art Journaling, and I just didn't feel I was getting the inspiration I wanted.  Maybe I wasn't looking for inspiration.  I think what I was really looking for was direction and belonging.  But I felt like everyone was working on something completely different from what I really wanted, so my issues would never be touched on. 

 This morning, I opened an issue of Digital Studio, and I felt a little more belonging.  I mean, I feel more comfortable working digitally.  Not just because I'm too lazy to work with sticky supplies and their clean-up, but I feel more free to make mistakes, experiment, and play, in the digital realm.  But I had kept away from that magazine because I remembered it mostly as singular digital artworks.  And I didn't feel that was what I was really trying to do. 

 So I ask myself, "What is it that I really want to try to do?"  I think when I started my whole fascination with scrapbooking, it wasn't just because of that organic, collage look that was always so beyond me.  I wanted to combine my sketchbook and journals, into a visual journal.  I love to flip through my old sketchbooks and remember the good parts of my life, the way most people must feel about photo albums.  I wanted to illustrate my journal. 

But it's just so many words, and most scrapbookers and art journalers talk about how to make a visual page and play with mediums.  How do I combine my over-abundant words with visuals, in a satisfying way?  ;o;  I tried once before, but it was just so time-consuming, I found myself skipping days.  And when you do that in a bound (sketch)book, the book looses its cohesion.  That's when I decided to scrapbook digitally.  But even among the digital artists, the focus is still on visual works, and one at a time, versus a continuous, daily progression/documentation, like a (art) journal. 

 I needed a happy medium that could solve my problems or at least give me direction, when I get stuck.  Like, what do I do about all these missed days?  How could I ever hope to catch up?  There were clues to those answers from the art journalers.  How do I get started, staring at my blank layout screen?  There were clues to those answers from the digital artists.  But I belong to such an in-between place, that I was afraid I could never find where I belonged.

 And maybe that's the point.  Maybe I shouldn't be focusing so much on finding a place to belong, where people have blazed a trail before.  I know I was looking for a safety net of direction, when I was lost.  But maybe what I really should be doing is creating my own path, my own place to belong.  After all, this "illustrated journal" project is for me.  I'm the only one who can tell me what to do.