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| how I imagine tiger cubs in my head (without sketching photos) |
I'm really struggling to draw tigers. ;_; Right now, I'm trying to figure out the difference between tiger cubs and adult tigers. I just can't quite figure it out.
And even more, I can't figure out why I can't get myself to sit down and sketch directly from photo sources. ~____~;;; ...Well, actually, I did try, but those look even worse than when I try to draw from my head (like the colored doodles above).
I've been playing YouTube videos of tiger cubs, in a loop, this entire time (maybe 2 hours or more)---and that's not counting when I was doing the same all yesterday and the previous days before.
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| How can sketching from a source photo make things worse?! |
Still, I just don't feel good enough to be drawing what I want: Yuki-tiger and Masa-dragon. Ultimately, I want to do a fan-comic about them. But right now, I'm in the middle of a half-finished drawing, and I just feel stuck.
Just knowing I have to draw Takeda-tiger and Yuki-cub beside each other, puts more pressure to make sure I draw the differences between a cub and an adult tiger. And there isn't any running away from this; I _want_ to be able to draw this. Still, I feel so hopeless.
It just reminds me of how much I feel like a fake, when I'm backed into describing myself as an "artist". Sometimes you get into conversations about careers or what you aspire to do, like when your tax preparer has to fill out your occupation or your family constantly pesters you about what you're doing right now. And how else do I describe myself when I have a business permit for selling art/crafts and participating at artist alleys really is my only income? I've got no other option than to reply that I am trying to be an "artist". But I don't really feel like a real artist. ;_____; But if I'm not, then what? This is the closest clue I have to what to do with my life that will make me happy. So if I'm a sham at that, then I'm really lost. ;_________;
Just knowing I have to draw Takeda-tiger and Yuki-cub beside each other, puts more pressure to make sure I draw the differences between a cub and an adult tiger. And there isn't any running away from this; I _want_ to be able to draw this. Still, I feel so hopeless.
It just reminds me of how much I feel like a fake, when I'm backed into describing myself as an "artist". Sometimes you get into conversations about careers or what you aspire to do, like when your tax preparer has to fill out your occupation or your family constantly pesters you about what you're doing right now. And how else do I describe myself when I have a business permit for selling art/crafts and participating at artist alleys really is my only income? I've got no other option than to reply that I am trying to be an "artist". But I don't really feel like a real artist. ;_____; But if I'm not, then what? This is the closest clue I have to what to do with my life that will make me happy. So if I'm a sham at that, then I'm really lost. ;_________;
So, I watched this playlist to feel better:
And it worked! ^-^ Bukroot's video felt like things I had already heard before, yet somehow, hearing her say it---maybe it was her tone, her examples, or just the right moment I needed to hear this vid---really was able to affect me now. Peter Deligdisch's doodle video, though just a walkthrough of him as he doodled, really gave this sense that something great could be made, if you just relax.
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| relaxed doodling |
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| without photo sources |
And that really seemed to be the case, as I returned to my tiger warm-up drawings. The tigers that I sketched from photo sources, just didn't seem right. The ones I did from my head, while relaxing, felt better. Which is strange, because usually, I draw better _with_ sources than from my head. Odd. I must be in flux.
So maybe, tomorrow will be a better drawing day for me. Maybe I'll get that Masa-hatchling and Yuki-cub drawing done. (And maybe I'll be closer to getting on with my Masa-dragon/Yuki-tiger fan-comic without being so afraid of messing it up.) Strangely, I had returned to pencil with this drawing, for the first time in a while. But I know that if I had used inerasable markers from the beginning, this drawing would have been done by now, and I would feel satisfied. It may have some imperfections to fix in Photoshop, but it would have been good enough, done, and I wouldn't be feeling so stuck. ...Maybe I should return to my freer drawings with pen? o.o?
...As long as I can get to drawing that Masa-dragon/Yuki-tiger fan-comic. ^__^
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